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Jan. 27th, 2010

so tired. so cranky. so pointless.

Jul. 26th, 2009

I really should not be awake already. I did not fall asleep until 9 A.M. and I have been awake for about 45 minutes now. My Mom brought me iced coffee and it forced me to wake up. Within the 45 minutes or so that I have been awake, I've managed to take Aurora for a walk and do the dishes. And throw up for the 3rd day in a row. I have no idea what is going on with my stomach, but it's not enjoyable. (It's not lack of sleep, every other day I got at least 6 hours of sleep.)

The only thing I have thought of is that in the past two (today has barely begun--doesn't count.) days I haven't managed to eat anything other than cashews. I have absolutely no appetite. The puking doesn't really help, either.

I am going to keep cleaning my room, I suppose.

p.s. organizing a closet full of stuff that isn't yours:not at all fun.

Jun. 26th, 2009

I want to scream until no sound comes out and you learned your lesson
I want to swallow these pills to get to sleep
So I don't have to make a bad impression
I need to start to be myself
'cause I'm sick of everybody else

I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now
I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man

I wanna run, but only far enough to make you miss me.
I wanna take back all the shit that I have done,
But I guess you were better off without me.
I need to start to be myself,
Because I'm sick of everybody else.

I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now
I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man

I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate

I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate

I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate

I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now
I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man

I won't let you bring me down (I took one big step and I looked away)
It's here and now I'm breaking out (and I thought of all the things that i wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate)
I will learn to love again (I took one big step and I looked away)
But i will stand a broken man (And I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late...)

Stolen from Katie.

Warning:My music taste is very eclectic, don't judge!

Here's the "Guess the Song" Meme.
Shuffle play list. First line. Guess Song. Go.

1. I've waited hours for this.
2. Watch out, cupid stuck me with a sickness, pull your little arrows out and let me live my life.
3. It was cold in California, even in the summer she was wrapped in a blanket.
4. I can make your heartbeat short.
5. I feel, I feel like taking a life.
6. I was wanting to get to know you, oh-oh-oh,oh-oh-oh.
7. Blow my mind, blow my mind.
8. With a final heave, go.
9. Take me out tonight where there's music and there's people.
10. Once upon a time, before the lakes and rivers were polluted.
11. Love will save the day, love will save the day, love will save the day, love will save the day, if love would only stay.
12. So, you wanna stay tonight, and you're not bothered what your boyfriend said.
13. (it was Yelle but I skipped again because I don't speak french.) I was meant for the stage, I was meant for the curtain.
14. My head is a box filled with nothing, and that's the way I like it.
15. Good evening shuttle bus, tell me where you're gonna take us, somewhere where I have never been.
16. The drugs begin to peak, a smile of joy arrives in me, but sedation turns to panic.
17. Mirror,mirror on the wall, tell me mirror what is wrong?
18. Life is sweet, and given the chance, I might agree.
19. Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games. (way too easy.)
20. Well I feel just like a child, yeah I feel just like a child.

.

It's taking time, all this fear I pushed back to move on,
Beating me like a panic attack since you've gone.
And if I never fear to be more alone, I do now.

I turn to see my faded tracks in the snow.
I've come so far with no idea where to go.
And if I never fear to be more alone, I do now,
I do now.

I need you to tell me you'll be right by my side.
When I feel alone, you'll be right by my side.

It's taking hold of a fool with a fondness for pain
And turn to run without a chance to explain.
And if I never thought I'd fall like the rain, I do now.
I do now.

I don't look back to the spot where I fell.
Don't you look back, and don't you ever tell.
'Cause we know pride, it doesn't heal all that well.
All that well, all that well.

I need you to tell me you'll be right by my side.
When I feel alone, you'll be right by my side.
In a crazy world, you'll be right by my side.
I was just in my old room looking for a lint roller, and there is a nest of birds in between the window frame and the air conditioning unit. I want to help them, but I am seriously terrified of birds. I think they can probably get out the same way they got in, but the Mom bird doesn't seem to be in there. I wish I wasn't terrified of birds because I feel so bad not doing anything. I don't even know what I would do, though.
girl, i slip into your bedroom.
the light from your mac cuts through the gloom, like moonlight.
its so fucking grim out there, lets hibernate.
i'm sick of people obsessed with their clothes and hair.
never leave london, new york or la.
fucking lets hibernate, its cold and it is late.
both know i shouldn't stay , i don't care what your flatmates say.
but yeah, theyre probably right.
don't let me stay tonight, im drunk and you are tired.
don't let me stay tonight, i'm hard and you are tired.

i can crash out on your sofa, but thats not what i am here for.
we could do spoons or more, just don't show me the fucking futon.

i can hear it in your breathing, see your eyes move in bliss.
as you dream of our future kids, follow away the hazy grey.
but yeah, you're probably right, don't let me stay tonight.
i'm drunk and you are tired, don't let me stay tonight.


yeah you probably had some bad advice, but your flatmates on her prime.
and ones got a moustache and she talks a lot of shit.
i can feel something is growing and yeah oh to be gone.
now the light from your mac is blinking although is this not what i'm here for.
but yeah you're probably right, don't let me stay tonight.
i'm drunk and you are tired, so let me stay tonight.
i don't care what your flatmates say, you got that naughty look in your eyes.
i'm hard and you are tired, just let me stay tonight.

You are my electric girl.

Katy Perry's remake of Electric Feel by MGMT is amazing. Blue Foundation is also amazing. I wish that music could be personified and I could just date songs. I think that would work wonderfully. I need to try and sleep again because I have a lot to do today. I mailed Jade's CD yesterday, and if there is anyone on my list who likes indie music, send me your address!

Conor Oberst-Breezy

Move your slender fingers,
Help me play this song.
Spend another night inside this rented mansion.
I love you now.
I know that doesn't matter
I love you now,
I know that doesn't matter.

Kissing me full of beer, tequila, weed, and candy.
Walking down the boardwalk,
Act like we were married.
You always made it easy,
Then I'd want you more.
You always kept it easy,
Then I'd want you more.

Too smart for your own good,
Too sweet, too logical.
Statistics round your head,
Tried to teach me about baseball.
My favorite was the part when they make it home.
I like it when they steal, and when they make it home.

You left us with a sorrow too unreal to help.
Heard the birds sound broadcast speakers at the Phoenix hotel,
All your friends are standing, crying, on the sidewalk.
All your boyfriends, they were standing crying on the sidewalk.

Breezy, I feel dizzy,
Can you help me up?
It's crowded at the back door,
How we getting to the bus?
I'd like to help you find it if there's something better.
Yeah, I'll try and help you find it if there's something better.

Move your slender fingers,
Help me play this song.
Spend another night inside this practice mansion.
I love you now,
I know that's all that matters.
I love you still,
And I know that's all that matters.
Good things that have occurred in the past few days:
*Sitting at Common Grounds with Beth for four hours last night. I normally hate it, but I had a good time and got to see Max as well.
*Painting my nails with Kaysea which makes me feel like I'm a high school girl at a sleepover.
*Indie radio stations make me happy.
*Sitting at Edgewater for an hour and a half also makes me happy.

That might be it for now. I'm using Kaysea's laptop because my new one won't get here until Tuesday, so I'm not really online on anything much. Have a good weekend.